Labor Pains from hell
Labor pains! I shrieked at the top of my lungs again from the pain. I wanted it to stop, but I didn’t want to stop. I’ve never wanted to keep on as much in my entire life as this very moment. Our baby boy was finally going to come into the world.
We were driving to the hospital at 3 a.m. in the morning. I had been having regular contractions for two hours now. Although they were mild and manageable, John (my husband) thought we should still get it checked. Apart from the pain, there was something else growing intense with every passing minute. Anxiety! Even though we had planned the pregnancy, I couldn’t stop worrying. John stopped the car in the hospital parking and helped me get out of it cautiously.
And I felt a weird wetness. Doctor confirmed that my water had broken and I was in labor. I felt my heart racing. Since I was only 1.5cm dilated, they told us to wait in our allotted hospital room. It was then that I started to feel the panic. Innumerable questions started to crowd my head, What was I going to do? Could I handle more pain? What if the baby doesn’t come out head-first? Once we were in the room, holding my hand John said, I know you’re worried about the pain and what comes after. But I’m right here. We’ve waited for him for so long, we’re going to be okay.
Hours of labor pains
Four hours of mental turmoil, two crying sessions and countless contractions later, the worries started to take a toll on me. Will I be a good mom? What if I missed the different stages of his life? When he says “mum” for the first time, when he learns to ride a bicycle, when puberty kicks in and he’s cranky & secretive. Would he share those secrets with me? Would I ever be the person he confides in without second thoughts? I’d researched about labor and the pain to prepare myself, but this anxiety was something I didn’t expect. All the reassurances and confidence seemed to crumble and the world was falling apart.
My mother came in around 10 am, while I was lurking over the thought that my child might never like me, that we might never have what a mother and child are supposed to have. I was almost numb from the pain but my mind was all over the place. The nurse announced that I was 7 cm at 11 a.m. She checked my pulse again and the pain that already was too much to take, increased unbelievably. I let slip a wild scream and John held my hand. Another contraction, another scream. The next hour is what I call my revival. The worries started to subside as my baby’s arrival strode forward. So what if we’re not like most and don’t find happiness in the usual things, we’d find our way through it all. The thing that mattered is to try, always. I was finally 10 cm dilated and they got me ready for the delivery.
Starting to push introduced me to another level of pain and pressure. It felt like my body would explode but I couldn’t think about it. All I could think about was the precious baby who was going to make us a family. Our unending wait of 8 months and 23 days was coming to an end. I gasped for air and pushed to my greatest strength. “We can see his head, keep pushing.” And I broke into tears. I was overwhelmed out of my body from joy. I had never known these feelings before, let alone feel them. A couple seconds must’ve passed and I pushed again, even harder this time. I didn’t know where this strength came from, but I was pushing harder now. The pain suddenly stopped and I heard a little cry. The doctor put the little beautiful human in my arms and I looked at him through the tears. I had never felt so happy before. I was a mother.
