Get on sibling rivalry

Sibling Rivalry occurs in most families and it’s very common. Do not panic when your kids are arguing and fighting, as this is a natural part of the growth process. This does not happen in all families, but it happens in abundance.

As long as the children have good relationships and look happy, there is nothing to worry about. If sibling rivalry is a source of discontent in a child, this situation should be remediated. Ignoring it will not make it go away and can cause problems for your child when it comes to establishing and maintaining relationships with others in the future.

The sibling rivalry seems to depend, in part, on how parents balance the conflicting needs of their children. It is also affected by the presence in the family of a child with special needs, divorce or other family trauma, as well as ethnic and cultural attitudes towards family relationships. Sibling rivalry is a reality in many homes where more than one child lives. According to Sylvia Rimm, a child psychologist, sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close to age and gender or when they are intellectually gifted. This may be more intense between a girl and a boy, because they seem to have less in common.

The most common symptom is the demand for attention. A first step in getting out of the old effects of sibling rivalry is to see what is really happening. You must be able to hear what your children are arguing for in order to determine the real cause and identify the blocked goal of unmet needs that each child may have when involved in a rivalry.

In some families, when sibling rivalry is less common, the best way to manage it is to leave it alone. Since this is about learning how to resolve conflicts with others, you should, as much as possible, let your children resolve conflicts. On the other hand, if it is uncontrollable and/or leads to verbal or physical abuse, it may be necessary to look for more aggressive measures such as family therapy or counseling.

The goal of sibling rivalry is to teach children the attitudes and skills they need to act in healthy and caring relationships. The solution to dealing with unhealthy rivalries is to do it indirectly if you can. Dealing directly means risking alienation by appearing to take sides. This can give the child the feeling of being a victim by blaming and becoming withdrawn or aggressive. Here are some tips on how to deal with the problem:

• Abstain From Physical Punishment

Gone are the days when parents use physical punishment to enforce a rule on their children. Studies have shown that children who have grown up under such harsh environment are more likely to grow up into uncontrollable and aggressive individuals. It is a more effective child parenting model to teach your children with love and reasoning rather than through physical punishment. Should any of your kids break a rule, you can make them clean up the mess or take away a privilege.

• Create a Stable Home Environment

Before you explain your rules and punishments to your children, discuss them with your spouse or partner first. This is to ensure that there would not be any discrepancies when you are enforcing these rules. Having a stable home environment will be less confusing for your kids.

• Be Fair

It is vital that you try to be as fair as possible, not only in your day-to-day rules but in your treatment to your different children as well. You cannot accept a misbehavior one day but punish your child for the same behavior another day. That will only confuse your kids. Similarly, if you are unfair in your treatment among your children, it will only breed contempt and stir up issues.

• Set Good Role Models

A very effective child parenting model is to set a good role model for your kids. Although it is definitely not possible to be a perfect parent, at least show your kids that you practice healthy living in your life too.

• Show Respect for Your Children

Even though your kids may be young, they deserved to be respected! If you respect your right from the start, they will grow to respect you too.

• Be Supportive

As a parent, you are everything to your children so it is important that you are supportive for them. This is especially vital when they come home to you after encountering with some difficulties at school. Never sneer at them or reply with an “I told you so!” attitude. They should be able to confide in you. if they cannot come to you for advice, I’m afraid you will lose your children. Also, Make sure the child has a lot of attention, love and support.

Child parenting is an everyday challenge but the above few tips will help you a long way in solving your parenting problems. Remember, if you feel that you are at wits end; do not feel shy in seeking professional help.

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