‘Why is my friend’s dad in an urn?’

The question struck me. This little man in front of me was just crying about his lost toy yesterday… and today, he’s asking me about this. I got stunted with how inquisitive he got. Mortified, even.

Believe me, I know the answer. I know the answer too well. There’s too much in the news. Even for me, there’s too much to take in. I tried steering him away from the weight of it. But the mothers before me, and the mothers before them, are right. There is no use keeping kids in a defensive bubble. The innocence is slowly peeling off.

I didn’t know where to start—how to initiate the conversation, to make him understand.

There was a long pause before I find the answer.

Then, I thought I got to do everything to be an encouraging influence in his development & growth, and to assure him everything’s going to be alright.

Let them take the lead in the conversation. Tell them it’s OK to show feelings.

I learned a lot from that experience. It’s honestly tense to be put in the position, unprepared. And from parent to parent, this is my advice…

First off, recognize that your child is on the right path. You are the first person he approached with this unfamiliar feeling of his. Now, your responsibility as a parent is to listen attentively. Know how much power is the grief holding on him. Encourage him to express all his emotions and feelings. He knows very well that he can trust you.

It might not be over by pouring it out in one go. Check back, now and then, how your child is coping. Don’t get anxious too. It might take time for him to process this new feeling and information. According to studies, it might take a kid a few days or weeks for him to get through the distress. Give him the right space and enough time to understand and cope.

It’s natural for your kid to be curious, to feel worried, and to sympathize with other people.

Kids are very perceptive and empathic. When I was asked, “Will you be okay, Mom? Will Dad be okay?” I honestly didn’t know what to tell the sweet little kid. I wasn’t able to move. I’ve been parenting for a long while now, and I thought I had all the answers to this curious tiny bean’s questions.

If only in just a snap of my fingers, I can take all away from those worries. How do I console him? How do I open up to him on such a delicate topic?

Do we tell our kids about the truth?

While kids are less likely to get extremely ill when they get the virus, it’s still best to explain to them how serious the illness is. Share with his facts and crucial information, while taking into mind his age. The American Counseling Association has a cohesive summary about every human’s reaction to grief, every parent should familiarize themselves with it.

It may be different from family to family, from culture to culture, how they deal with loss, but as much as possible, don’t withhold so much information. The last thing the kid wants is to feel out of place and even betrayed. We shouldn’t undermine the smartness and care they got.

Offer support, comfort, and reassurance

You can give them facts about the pandemic, about the on-the-surface science of the coronavirus, about prevention, about the deaths…

But after a loved one or someone he knows dies, it’s unexplainable how immense the effect is on your kid. They feel the loss strongly, as compared to adults. And to add, kids cope differently. Some cry, some don’t show their emotions, some just ask a lot of questions, and some have changeable moods.

It’s truly painful to see them go through this unfamiliar feeling.

However, whatever way he responds to the trauma and the loss; Be there for him. Hug him; offer him reassurances.

It’s tough enough to be in such a situation, especially the kids who are just in their formative years. I know it might be difficult for you too, but you have to keep him close—go through it together.

Harness comfort from each other. Tell him it’s okay to cry. Tell him the person lived a wonderful life—and encourage him to celebrate it by reminiscing, recollecting. Tell him he’s not alone. That no one can do him harm as long as he has you and his family beside him.

Lastly, tell him it’s going to be okay. It’s okay to be sad and grieve for other people.

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