What do you do when your beautiful but clingy child refuses to go to anyone else but you?
When a child is overly attached to just one parent, it puts a strain on that parent. It leaves them worn out and flustered. But it keeps the other parent out of the loop, making them feel discarded and disconnected.
It’s tough on both parents. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s look at some ways to stop your toddler demanding to be attended to by the one parent.
It is worth remembering that this is normal and goes around in phases. One moment they want mommy, the next it’s daddy.
Why does it happen?
Well, it isn’t because the one parent is the best, even though they will often say they are – just to be a tease!
This often happens with mother and baby because there is no doubt a special bond. Moms are the ones who carried the child, then feed and comfort after they are born. The relationship is naturally close.
But if dad or other carers take it in turns to care for the baby, then that bond will grow stronger as well.
Try these tips if you want to get an overly attached child to spread the love.
Praise Good Behavior
Rewarding good behavior works wonders with most challenges in the toddler years. Make a homemade reward chart and discuss what it is with the toddler. When the child has behaved during times that mom is not around, make sure you get them to put a star on the chart. Make a huge deal about it too.
Don’t Withdraw
You must not withdraw from your toddler if they reject you. That includes any types of discipline if they have been too clingy to mom. Withdrawing can lead to escalating behavior, where they fear losing mom. That will just lead to obsession, and you don’t want that.
Encourage Family Time
By encouraging family time, you are letting the toddler know that all are involved in the care of them. If dad is on ‘form’, then your toddler will begin to see dad as a source of entertainment as well.
Do what you must do
Don’t let this type of behavior ruin your plans. If you need to leave and be somewhere else, do it. If you are in the same room with dad or the carer, let them deal with the situation. You will be around if needed, but ensure they spend time together alone as well.
Discuss Fears and Anxieties
I know this sounds impossible, but it is a good idea to try and have a discussion with your toddler about feelings and things that might be upsetting them. Try and have the conversation as a family. Let them know it is reasonable to have fears, but they very rarely happen.
Talk before you walk
Prior to you leaving your toddler with another person, such as dad or a carer, explain what is happening before you walk away. Let them know you will be returning.
Talk to them on returning
When you come back from where you have been, speak to your toddler to see how they got on. Find out what they have been doing while you were gone. Praise their good behavior. Don’t forget to add a star to the reward chart for good behavior. If their behavior wasn’t the best, it is definitely time to discuss that as well.
Hand it over to dad
When your child is sick, it’s usually the mom that looks after the toddler. Have a frank discussion with dad and have them look after the child when they are ill. Or the next time the child is scared at night, get dad to go and comfort the child. Both will help build the understanding that dad is also there to look after and protect the child.
When a child is excessively attached to one parent, it causes strain on a family. If your toddler is too attached to mom, then everyone in the family suffers. When implementing these tips, you are going to get some kickback from your toddler. This is the expected behavior. Remember, you have a job, and you’re the adult. Your job is to clearly define what is going to happen and stick with it, and most of all, be consistent.
Good luck
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