Dear Parents: Lets Normalize Working As a Team with your Nanny

It started with being expected to do a few extra jobs around the house, like doing the adult laundry, or cleaning up the lounge-room.  But then it was expected that I would clean the entire house every single day. My job description was to be a nanny, NOT a house manager or house maid.  I barely had time to engage with the children and look after their needs. I kept my mouth shut because I thought it was the only job I would ever get, and it was stable – five days a week.  Then they started getting me to come over and babysit for them on my days off,………..just a few hours.  That turned into overnight stays. There were often times where they seemed to forget to pay me and I would constantly remind them feeling as though I was in the wrong for having to remind them of such a simple task compared to my job as a nanny.

The final straw came when the older child bit, the younger one.  It was the third time this had happened in front of me.  The mother witnessed it as well.  I had spoken to her about it previously, and she said I should put the older child in a short time-out if it happened again.  So, I picked the child up immediately and put him in a short time out.  The time-out worked well.  Nothing was said afterwards, after all, I was following her recommendation.  That was a Wednesday.  Then on Friday night when I got home, she sent a text to say that I wasn’t needed anymore.  No explanation……..nothing.  When I finally got in contact with her two weeks later, she said I was not getting any severance pay because I had violated her discipline code on the contract by putting the child in a short time out for his behavior for biting.  There was nothing I could do.  It was her word against mine. I didn’t have a leg to stand on.  All the effort and love I gave the children, and she just discarded me like a piece of filth. This was 5 years ago, before I started my own nanny agency working with amazing childcare professionals and wonderful families. As a former nanny, I had no protection at all at the time and wanted to create a space where both childcare professionals and families are protected no matter what  -Rebecca Sylvain

Not all experiences are this bad, and some are worse.  But you would have to agree definite warning flags were waving from the beginning.  Even I recognize that now. 

If I had dealt with the issues in the beginning, maybe it would have had better working conditions.  Or, I could have had a better job where I was respected for her invaluable contribution.

There are many reasons why situations sour.  Knowing some of the common reasons why and understanding how you can avoid or deal with them as a parent and fellow childcare professional will help you to lengthen and strengthen your relationship with an employer. 

Ways to Protect Yourself

Communication

Parents! Communication is vital in all aspects of the nanny-parent relationship.  You may not want to rock the boat or cause problems.  However, these characteristics can cause problems when issues arise.

Your shared goals are to successfully raise the children.  Having feelings of disappointment or resentment come between you when issues that are not dealt with can adversely affect your experience.  You need to establish open and honest communication with each other from the beginning. 

Negotiate time, to discuss any pressing issues before they become problems.

Know your Job Responsibilities, Conditions and Wages

Childcare Professionals! Make sure you are aware of your specific job responsibilities, conditions and wages, and that they are documented clearly in your contract. 

These include menial tasks, such as laundry.  If your job responsibilities change, you need to sit down with your employer and renegotiate.  You could even have this stipulated in your contract.  It is not okay for your employer to change your job responsibilities unexpectedly and assume you will be okay with it.

Along with your job responsibilities, you need to know your work conditions and have them clearly documented.  Make sure you understand under what circumstances you will be terminated and what your severance conditions will be if you choose to leave the family.

You should also take time to sit down with the employer to discuss wages and tax and ensure it is documented.  Request that you have a breakdown of the tax deduction in your pay check.

Welcome Feedback

Make sure you set up a schedule to receive feedback or concerns from both ends. You guys are a team! This keeps the communication open and expectations clear for both parties.

Lessen Your Worries

Having someone look after your child can often bring up complicated feelings which is why I recommend going through a reputable nanny agency to ease those worries. Some parents find it hard to relinquish power to another person.  Work with your childcare professional slowly. Discuss on how you prefer situations to be managed.  Acknowledge that it is difficult to allow someone to care for your child.  

Establish Childcare Philosophies Upfront

Before you say yes to hiring a nanny, you should clearly establish what your beliefs and expectations are on discipline, sleep, and food.  Consistency in childcare is essential for proper child development as the nanny family. Remember, good nannies are hard to find, and there are plenty of families who want them. 

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